


Bread Boy

by Lostoasis



Category: Politics - Fandom
Genre: 'n' bumpy, Angst, Fluff, Hot, M/M, NSFW, Porn, boner o' clock, lumpy - Freeform, male on male hot action
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:07:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8307943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lostoasis/pseuds/Lostoasis
Summary: A friend and I wrote this a while ago





	

**Author's Note:**

> A friend and I wrote this a while ago

I was nothing more than a poor bread boy, living on the streets of greasy America. I had recently run away from Mother Russia because their memes were spreading like a sickness I was unable to cure. Fucking cancerous. The terminal shit. 

My name was Vladimir Putin; most known for my elvish, Dobby-like features. My body was slim but my ass was thick. My curves and horse back riding skills were a solid 8/8. And my karate was so brilliant, they had to make a whole higher version of black belt just for me. 

But that all changed, when the meme's arrived.  
Now, I was never good with memetics, but I assure you that they are disgraceful disgusting things from hell. And when they spread, they spread fast. 

I fled my home quickly, tears in my eyes as I forced myself to look away from my dying country. 

But, I suppose it wasn't all bad, because it let me meet Trump. The man. The myth. The legend. 

-

One day, a man with eyes of pigeon shit and hair equal to a nest full of pigeon shit entered my bakery. He smiled a shit-eating grin like the piece of crap he is fucking hell.

As I helped people with their loaf menus, I snuck a look at his butt. Man oh man was it one hell of an ass. It seemed like loaves of bread pieced together to form an intricate masterpiece. I wanted to touch them, with my knead-y fingers. It was plump and full, yet slightly baggy like my failed ASSpirations. It swayed effortlessly as he made his way around the somewhat clear shop.

“I’m the best thing that ever happened to politics.” The man with Cheetos stained skin sneered as the door of the shop slammed behind him. His stringy hair waved with the subtle breeze as he swaggered his way to the counter. It looked like straw had been gorilla glued to his head in the most eloquent way possible. 

He smirked, his yellow slimy teeth appearing through his orange, cracked lips. I licked my lips hungrily at the thought of kissing this hunk of meat. He was one hunky man monkey; his eyes were surrounded with what looked like white cocaine, but was probably a bad tanning job. His body was the epitome of sexy. All of his luscious and moist curves underneath his work suit. 

Words were not enough to describe the gorgeous god beheld before me. His eyes scanned me, and suddenly, his nasally voice spoke once more. “Listen. I'm rich.” In the distance, you could hear the whoops and hollers cheering him on along with fanfare. He smirked contently at the sounds, turning his head slightly to look at the mob behind him. He sighed with what seemed like longing, then turned back at me with the same grin as before. trump looked around for a moment,making sure know one could hear him. He then averted his gaze back upon me, staring at me like the hunk of meat I was. “I used to say that if I weren't related to my daughter, I'd date her because she was so sexy. But you, my dear boy, you have proven that she is not the only thing I would dingle dangle..” He flashed me a small and subtle wink so know one else would see but me. 

I blushed profusely. He was beautiful. I was at a lost for words. Then he spoke once more. “A wall, is what we need. We need so build a wall between Mexico and the United States because apparently all Mexicans are drug lords and rapists.” It made sense. I believe every word of it. I took in his words like they were the ones that would save me from my SINS2. I nodded my head in agreement and quickly looked down at the cash register, not wanting to hold his devilish gaze. “W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-what do you want?” I asked, pushing over a menu of breads to him. 

He smirked once more and replied, “Your rolls.” Suddenly, his tongue darted out of his mouth and began flickering violently. It made wet slapping sound before slithering back into his cave of a mouth. 

I was enchanted. His fluid movements were so...so...NNNNNG. 

“Of course, sir,” I smiled nervously. His presence certainly made me nervous in a way Mother Russia would never approve of. 

I reached into the bread cabinet and pulled out my rolls. As I placed them on the counter, he reached his hand out to me and our fingers brushed. 

 

 

 

 

 

i feel disgusting

**Author's Note:**

> i can't feel anything anymore


End file.
